Ten Bands I've Somehow Managed To Avoid Seeing Live

1. Oasis
2. Pixies
3. St Etienne
4. Morrissey
5. Portishead
6. Bruce Springsteen
7. David Bowie
8. Grace Jones
9. Depeche Mode
10. Kraftwerk

Ten Uses of the Verbs 'Sough'/'Slough' by Norman Mailer

1. "...the soughing of surf" ('The Naked And The Dead')
2. "After a hundred yards they were forced to slough through..." ('The Naked And The Dead')
3. "Live with your cowardice… Hate it or defend it, but don't try to slough it off." ('The Spooky Art: Some Thoughts On Writing')
4. "…a New England wind… came soughing out of the sky" ('Advertisements For Myself')
5. "…even the sloughing of prejudice, particularly when it is abrupt, partakes of the naive" ('Advertisements For Myself')
6. "...the wind soughed through the draws" ('The Naked And The Dead')
7. "Whatever strait-jacket there had been about his movements lately would be sloughed off…" ('The Naked And The Dead')
8. "…as he had sloughed off Hearn" ('The Naked And The Dead')
9. "The president was, after all, getting into the same slough of muddy reasoning as the liberals" ('How the Wimp Won the War')
10. "there is still hope for me if only I can slough the hundred crimes upon my head" ('Barbary Shore')

Top Ten Causes of Injury in the Street in 1887 (number of injuries in brackets)

1. Light Cart (1,138)
2. Cabs (919)
3. Vans (683)
4. Omnibuses and Cars (346)
5. Broughmans and Carriages (345)
6. Heavy Carts (153)
7. Horses Ridden (135)
8. Wagons and Drays (133)
9. Covered Vehicles (67)
10. Velocipedes (53)

Ten Lessons I Learnt From My Brother

1. Everything sounds funny in a West Country accent
2. The glass is always full
3. The Greatest Love Of All is an awesome song by George Benson, not a crappy song by Whitney Houston
4. There's always time
5. The weaker sex is the one that thinks one sex is weaker
6. You can solve most things with a smile
7. Never be scared of straight lines
8. Stay friends with your exes
9. You can usually rely on a farmer to pull you out of a ditch
10. Always be the good guy

Ten Nuclear Strategies Considered By WOPR (War Operations Plan Response) In The Film Wargames

1. Sudan Surprise
2. Hong Kong Variant
3. Venezuela Sudden
4. Seato Decapitating
5. English Escalation
6. Chad Alert
7. Iraq Sovereignty
8. Mongolian Thrust
9. Turkish Heavy
10. Bulgarian Clandestine

The Ten Worst Ideas That Have Been Touched By The Hand Of 'McG'

1. Charlie's Angels
2. Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle
3. Terminator Salvation
4. Terminator 5
5. The 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea remake
6. The Revenge of the Nerds remake
7. Hot Wheels
8. Offspring's Pretty Fly (For A White Guy) video
9. The Spaced Remake
10. His name

Ten Arsenal Football Clubs

1 FK Arsenal, Serbia
2 FK Arsenal, Montenegro
3 FC Arsenal Kyiv, Ukraine
4 Arsenal Wanderers, Mauritius
5 Arsenal de Sarandí, Argentina
6 Arsenal (Maseru), Lesotho
7 Berekum Arsenal, Ghana
8 FC Arsenal Kazanlak, Bulgaria
9 Arsenal FC (Roatan), Honduras
10 FC Arsenal-Tula Tuka (Russia)

Ten Things 'They' Will Probably Consider Bringing The Face Magazine Back As

1. A Twitter update

2. A ringtone

3. An iPhone 'App'

4. One of those papers you find at the bottom of the escalators in the tube

5. A 'brand extension' 

6. A banner ad

7. A ROFLcopter

8. Zoo with more fashion-related breasts

9. A social network

10. All of the above

The Ten Best Gay Cars of 2009*

1. Audi A4 - Best Car for the Gay Professional
2. Infiniti AX - Best Car for the New Gay Family
3. Maserati Gran Turismo S - Best Boy Toy
4. Honda Civic GX Natural Gas Vehicle - Best Green Queen
5. Mitsubishi Lancer GTS - Best Gay Teen Machine
6. Saab 9-3 Lynx Yellow Convertible - Best Topless Go-Go Getter
7. Nissan Maxima - Best Cruiser for the Trendy Gay Man
8. Ford Flex - Best Retro Flagship
9. Ford Glass Top Mustang - Top Gadget God
10. Erm, there's only 9

*According to www.about.com's Gay Life section

Ten Managementspeak Slogans

1 There’s no YOU in OUR FIVE YEAR PLAN
2 You can’t have your stupid TEAM MEETING without ME
3 There’s a big I in QUIT
4 There’s none of US in TEAMWORK
5 LUNCH is for STARTERS
6 Never make the same mistake twice unless you're absolutely sure you can get away with it again
7 You’ve got your TOTAL TRANSPARENCY back to front
8 I’ve tried 360 THINKING but I ended up where I started
9 Never ask WILL THIS DO (it probably will)
10 If we take U out of THE NEIGHBOURHOOD it makes no difference to our American bosses

Ten Candidates For The 1860 Republican Presidential Nomination (Who Weren't Called Abraham Lincoln)

1. William H Seward, New York (173.5 votes in first ballot)
2. Edward Bates, Missouri
(48 votes)
3. William Lewis Dayton, New Jersey (14 votes)
4. John C Frémont, California
(1 vote)
5. Salmon Portland Chase, Ohio (49 votes)
6. Jacob Collamer, Vermont
(10 votes)
7. Simon Cameron, Pennsylvania (50.5 votes)
8. John McLean, Ohio (12 votes)
9. Benjamin Franklin Wade, Ohio (3 votes)
10. Cassius Marcellus Clay, Kentucky (0 votes)

Ten Comments I Just Accidentally Deleted...

Um, I just realised I'm not as unpopular as I thought - there were a load of comments waiting to be moderated by me. So I selected them all, thought I'd pressed 'publish', and then tried to delete an obvious spam one. Umm.. anyway, thanks for your comments

Ten Of The Great Disappointments In Life

1. Getting a cardboard puzzle as the 'suprise' in your Kinder Egg
2. Waking up to realise the clocks have gone forward
3. Finding that the 'Big Match Revisited' on ITV4 is highlights of the Division Two match between Leyton Orient and Brighton & Hove Albion. From 1979.
4. Realising too late that The Colour Of Money in the TV schedules is a crappy gameshow, not the Paul Newman movie.
5. The new U2 album (whatever year of the 21st Century it is)
6. Having a quarter-bowl worth of cereal left in the packet
7. Final Score
8. Oxford Street
9. Burnt toast
10. Luton Airport

Ten Rubbish Groups Who Probably Haven't Told Their Parents What Their Band Is Called

1. Selfish C**t
2. Nashville Pussy
3. F*** Buttons
4. Holy F***
5. F***
6. The F***ing Champs
7. Anal C**t
8. The C**ts
9. F***ed Up
10. The F***in' S**t Biscuits

Ten Canapes I'd Never Eat

1. Chicken sandwich minus the filling
2. Doritos with added dollop
3. Blinis wrapped round cucumber
4. Bruschetta Doorsteps
5. Tomato and mozzarella, 'grilled in some way'
6. Hot tinned tuna and basil oil
7. Peanut butter sandwiches
8. Wraps with extra leaves
9. Cold vol-au-vents
10. A piece of cheese and a lump of branston on a cocktail stick

Ten London Roads That Used to be Called Charles Street

1. Aylward St, E1
2. Scurr St, E14
3. Greville St, EC1
4. Viscount St, EC1
5. Yeate St, N1
6. Corrall Rd, N7
7. Phoenix Rd, NW1
8. Nicholson St, SE1
9. Trevor St, SW7
10. Queensdale Pl, W11

Ten Words Used Most Often By US Presidents In Their Inauguration Speeches

1. Obama: "Nation"
2. Bush: "Freedom"
3. Lincoln (1st): "Constitution"
4. Clinton: "Century"
5. Reagan: "Government"
6. Lincoln (2nd): "War"
7. Kennedy: "Side"
8: Jefferson: "American"
9: Cleveland: "People"
10: Washington: "Oath"

Gregg Wallace's Ten Best Moments

1. "It's like a lemon has just picked you up by the ears and given you a big snog."
2. "I'll quite happily lay down in it and have a sleep."
3. "That is the most perfect chocolate pudding as I have ever sunk my lips into."
4. "...Whaaaaey, it's still coming."
5. "I have a rather large mouth, but that's a lot to get in."
6. "That bird is so moist, and there's little pockets of zing, zing, zing..."
7. "There are fruit coolies running through her veins."
8. "Beefy, beefy mushrooms!"
9. "Ooh, that has flicked every one of my switches."
10. "I want to take a running jump into it."

Ten Rutger Hauer Films You May Have Missed

1. Terror In The Aisles (1984)
2. The Blood Of Heroes (1990)
3. The Beans Of Egypt, Maine (1994)
4. Dracula III: Legacy (2005)
5. Omega Doom (1997)
6. Flying Virus (2001)
7. Bone Daddy (1998)
8. New World Disorder (1999)
9. Mariette In Ecstasy (1996)
10. Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal (2001)

Ten Unfortunate Presidents

1. William Harry Harrison, 1841
Read the longest inaugural address in history in freezing weather; died of pneumonia a month later
2. Zachary Taylor, 1849-1850
Died of food poisoning from canapes at a July 4 party
3. Benjamin Harrison, 1889-1893
So scared of new-fangled electricity he refused to turn the White House lights off at night
4. James Buchanan, 1857-1861
Appointed his niece First Lady as he was a bachelor
5. Woodrow WiIson, 1913-1921
Won a Nobel Peace Prize despite openly supporting the Ku Klux Klan
6. William H Taft, 1909-1913
The most obese President; once got stuck in the White House bath
7. John Tyler, 1841-1845
Campaigned under the slogan "Log Cabins and Hard Cider"
8. Millard Fillmore, 1850-1853
Having failed to win the nomination of his own party for a second term, he stood as the Know Nothing candidate in 1856
9. Warren Harding, 1921-1923
Consistently voted the worst US President due to his verbal gaffes and corruption scandals
10. George Bush, 2001-2009
Worst Presidential approval rating in history (20%)

Ten Stunning Revelations From Rafa Benitez

1. Fergie intimidates referees
2. The 'respect' campaign is a load of old bollocks
3. Bears shit in woods
4. The Pope is catholic
5. It's not a good time to be in the banking business
6. Hamas and Israel don't seem to get on very well
7. We've had warmer Januarys
8. Coolio is a bit annoying on that Big Brother show
9. Night follows day
10. The whole Sarah Palin thing kind of back-fired

The Ten Busiest Months On The Lister*

1. January 2006 (31 posts)
2. February 2006 (16 posts)
3. December 2005 (14 posts)
4= March 2006 (10 posts)
4= May 2006 (10 posts)
6. June 2006 (9 posts)
7. November 2007 (8 posts)
8= April 2006 (7 posts)
8= July 2006 (7 posts)
8= April 2007 (7 posts)

*AKA a desperate attempt to keep my post rate up

Human Population Counts From Battlestar Galactica

1. Day 1: 20,000,000,000
2. Day 6: 50,298
3. Day 10: 47,958
4. Day 51: 47,875
5. Day 174: 49,605
6. Day 280: 44,035
7. Day 650: 43,400
8. Day 800: 41,435
9. Day 1,100: 39,698
10. Day 1,166: 39,665

Ten Places You Can See Swastikas in the UK

1. Around the dome of the BBC's Bush House
2. Along the gates at the back of the Royal Academy
3. On every Maharishi product
4. Around Manchester's Central Library
5. On Baden-Powell's Medal of Merit for Scouts (c1922)
6. On the Swastika Stone, Ilkley moor, Yorkshire
7. As the emblem of the British National War Savings Committee from WWI
8. On the war memorial at Balmoral Castle
9. On the dust jacket of Rudyard Kipling's books
10. In the floor tiles of NatWest bank, Derby Street, Bolton

Ten One-Line Reviews

1. Changeling: Angelina Jolie shouts a bit too much
2. Mamma Mia: Only the out of tune men fully grasp the concept of a karaoke movie
3. Revolutionary Road: Getting Married? May as well kill yourself now
4. In Bruges: "Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf" = line of the year
5. Milk: Sean Penn for Mayor
6. Frost/Nixon: They can't have been that amateur, surely?
7. The 39 Steps (2008 TV version): Worst use of a ventriloquist's dummy ever
8. No Country For Old Men: Should have finished 20 mins sooner
9. The Duchess: She's quite good you know
10. Generation Game (1970s rerun); Best thing on telly all Christmas

Ten Signs I'm Middle Aged

1. Tutting at Radio One
2. Really wanting to stay in on New Year's Eve
3. Feeling 100% relaxed and calling the officer 'mate' when being pulled over for a random festive breathalyser
4. Getting irate about any band that has a swearword in their title
5. Siding with the Daily Mail over Wossgate
6. Being more concerned about getting back to feed the cats than having 'one for the road'
7. Thinking 'one for the road' is a really irresponsible phrase, especially given (3)
8. Having my eyes on a nice cardie in the January sales
9. Not thinking I'd miss out on anything by moving to the countryside
10. Realising my age is half the average national life expectancy

Ten Uses For The Extra Second The Boffins Have Given Us For New Year's Eve*

1. Shout "HAPP…"
2. Make an eleventh resolution
3. Add "…ryingoutloud" to the F-word you just shouted
4. Swiftly cross your fingers after that promise you just made
5. Pour yourself a second's more wine into the glass
6. Rewind the Ian Faith/"money talks" bit from Spinal Tap
7. Try and work out the second line to Auld Lang Syne
8. Try and point out that you hadn't read the new issue of The Word magazine when you wrote that last post
9. Listen to one of these again
10. Have another second in bed

* See here for extra second news

Ten Alternative Phrases Almost As Stupid As The Credit Crunch

1. The Economic Eek
2. The Financial Filibuster
3. The Dollar Doldrum
4. The Market Mayhem
5. The Bank Balls-up
6. The Sub-Prime Sucker-Punch
7. The Sterling Stunner
8. The Treasury Trump
9. The Lehman Lemming
10. The Realty Recession

Ten Shops I Used To look Forward To Visiting*

1. Exeter Pram & Toy Shop
2. BOY
3. Fat Cat
4. HyperHyper
5. Michiko Koshino
6. Tower Records
7. Casio G-Shock Shop
8. Ray's Jazz
9. Kensington Market
10. Soul II Soul

*That Aren't There Anymore. Or At Least Not Where They Used To Be. You Get My Drift.

Ten Things I'm Afraid I Need To Buy On National Buy Nothing Day

1. A present for my mum's birthday
2. And perhaps a card too
3. And the postage
4. Cat Litter
5. Toffee Nut Latte*
6. Breakfast sandwich
7. Newspaper
8. Bus fare to Highgate
9. Pub lunch
10. And perhaps half a pint too please, mister bar guy

*I tell you what, I won't have cream on top. How's that?

Ten Hobbies and Professions of BNP Members (Other Than Policeman)

1. Manager: petrol filling station (Class 1 snooker referee)
2. Distribution driver (Royal Mail). Active Odinist/member of Pagan organisations
3. Retired local government officer. Static caravan on East Coast
4. Driving instructor (discount for BNP members)
5. Business owner (antiquities) / Lord. Has two suits of medieval 14th & 15th century armour and can joust for rallies
6. Mobile DJ with singing partner, snakes & spiders
7. Hobbies: criminal justice system, bowls
8. Member describes himself as a witch: potential embarrassment if active
9. Hobbies: walking, Tai Chi Chuan. Buddhist, interested in Daoism
10. Slaughterman (NVQS in slaughtering)

Ten of the First Books Ever Printed in English

1. Recuyell of the Historyes of Troye (1473)
2. Game and Playe of the Chesse (1474)
3. Chaucer's Canterbury Tales (1476)
4. Dictes or Sayengis of the Philosophres (1477)
5. Boke of Histories of Jason (1477)
6. History of Godefrey of Boloyne and the Conquest of Iherusalem (1481)
7. The Golden Legend (1483)
8. The Book of the Knight in the Tower (1484)
9. The English Charlemagne Romances, Parts III and IV, The Lyf of the Noble and Crysten Prynce Charles the Grete (1485)
10. The Fayttes of Armes and of Chyualrye (1489)

Ten Good Places To Write Those Books Below

1. Rejkajvik
2. Ferry Cottage, Cliveden
3. Topsham
4. Okehampton
5. Lausanne
6. Paros
7. The White House, Aston Munslow
8. Casa Malaparte
9. Dungeness
10. Here

Ten Provisional Book Titles

1. The Great British Tree Biography
2. Hackneyed
3. The Diet
4. Septimius Severus: The African Emperor
5. Twelfth Man (12 plays about cricket)
6. The Cuckoo Nest
7. Production Hell
8. The Prince Regent Cookbook
9. Unusual Comedy: The Magical World Of Michael Head
10. All Fiction Is Lying

Ten Terrible Alternative Names For New Order*

1. Mau Mau
2. Junta Black Watch
3. The Truth
4. Instant Karma
5. Anti-People
6. Maxim Gorky
7. Angry Brigade
8. Radical Jesuits
9. Complex
10. Teutonic Knights

*AS considered by their manager Rob Gretton. Courtesy of The Word magazine

Ten Unforeseen Consequences Of The Global Recession

1. I might finally finish that Battlestar Galactica Boxset
2. Those tinned peaches at the back of the cupboard might see some more action
3. The holiday to Iceland might be back on
4. Starbucks will probably have to turn that tap off
5. Newcastle could be stuck with Kinnear longer than they expected
6. I can illegally download that ridiculously overpriced Dylan album without feeling guilty
7. 'Mandelson Has Gallstones' becomes national headline news
8. No-one seems to care about those polar bears any more, least of all George Bush
9. Hip hop ditches the whole bling thing and gets back to being good again
10. Bernie Ecclestone has just the one boiled egg (plus soldiers) for breakfast

Ten Annie Lennox of the Year Awards

1 BRITs 1984 - Best British Female Solo Artist
2 BRITs 1986 - Best British Female Solo Artist
3 BRITs 1989 - Best British Female Solo Artist
4 BRITs 1990 - Best British Female Solo Artist
5 BRITs 1993 - Best British Female Solo Artist
6 BRITs 1993 - Best British Album (for Diva)
7 Grammy Awards 1995 - Best Female Pop Vocal Performance (for No More I Love You's)
8 BRITs 1996 - Best British Female Solo Artist
9 BRITs 1999 - Outstanding Contribution to British Music (Eurythmics)
10 Oscars 2004 - Best Original Song (for Into The West)

The Ten Best Seconds In The History Of Popular Music

1. Bob Dylan, Tell Me Momma ('Royal Albert Hall' Bootleg) - 3'25"
2. Dexy's Midnight Runners - This Is What She's Like - 6'50"
3. Pixies - Debaser - 0'04"
4. Billy Bragg - Must I Paint You A Picture - 0'55"
5. The Beach Boys - Good Vibrations - 2'14"
6. Serge Gainsbourg - Requiem Pour Un Con - 0'04"
7. Bob Marley - I'm Still Waiting - 0'46"
8. Wu-Tang Clan - C.R.E.A.M. - 0'26"
9. Levon & The Hawks - He Don't Love You (And He'll Break Your Heart) - 0'47"
10. Aphex Twin - Digeridoo - 4'14"

Ten Truthful Men's Mag Coverlines

1. "20 watches you can't afford but which paid for half our ad budget."
2. "Why our generation invented youth culture and it was much better than yours."
3. "Ten posh hotels we blagged for free."
4. "We've got nothing to say about this woman but we needed her for the cover."
5. "If I didn't work at this mag I'd never have a bespoke suit."
6. "We discovered this band by sitting at our desks waiting for the PRs to email us about them."
7. "It's a bit gay but that's fashion for you."
8. "We needed to mention 'The last taboo' here. We'll decide what it is later."
9. "We borrowed this car for the weekend. Smug enough for you?"
10. "The word 'Sex' in big letters is only here to shift units."

Ten Legendary Coreys

1. Corey Feldman
2. um, Corey Haim
3. Shawn Corey Carter
4. Cory In The House
5. Plain old Corey
6. Corey Hart
7. Corey Miller
8. Corey Smith
9. Corey Worthington (above)
10. Corey Delaney (um, also above)

Ten Films With Intriguing 'Plot Keywords' On IMDB

1. The Goonies: "Language Barrier / Group Vomit / Lifting Person In Air / Blender / Toupee"
2. Hulk: "Box Office Flop / Dream Sequence / Crushed To Death / Dog Killed / Barefoot"
3. Blade Runner: "Shot In The Chest / Strangulation / Japanese / Cyberculture / Cigarette Smoking"
4. Ferris Bueller's Day Off: "Generation Gap / Animal Door / Coming Of Age / Odometer / Hypochondriac"
5. American Psycho: "Atm Machine / Sexual Perversion / Axe In The Head / White Collar / Christmas"
6. Ghostbusters II: "Allegory / Baby / Infant Nudity / Quirky / Bookstore"
7. Brokeback Mountain: "Bar / Sheep / Thanksgiving / Mailbox / Lost Love"
8. Alien: "Very Little Dialogue / Airshaft / Trapped / Cattle Prod / Tentacle"
9. National Lampoon's European Vacation: "Satirical / Urban Legend / Bumbler / Interrupted Sex / Rude Waiter"
10. Star Wars: "Alien Race / Hyperspace / Wuxia Fiction / Lifted By The Throat / Incest Kiss"

Three Books That Come With Recommendations By Julie Burchill

1. The Modern Maiden's Handbook: The Shameless Girls' Guide to Blameless Living (Nina De la Mer)
2. A Year In The Life Of TheManWhoFellAsleep (Greg Stekelman)
3. How To Lose Friends And Alienate People (Toby Young)

Ten Reasons Why 'Everything She Wants' Is The Greatest Pop Single Of The 80s

1. It's a love song about hating a Thatcherite capitalist.
2. Just in case the message got lost, it contains the line 'My God! I don't even think that I love you!'
3. It either doesn't have a chorus, or it's got about eight.
4. The bassline sounds like early Eddy Grant.
5. "And now you tell me that you're having my baby /
I'll tell you that I'm happy if you want me to /
But one step further and my back will break /
If my best isn't good enough /
Then how can it be good enough for two?"
6. The "Don't you tell me" backing vocals are proof he was a big fan of Landscape.
7. The best bit is the "My situation" bridge, which is only on the remix.
8. At one point the lyrics to the backing vocals are: "Wham! Wham!" Wham!"
9. That's probably the only bit he let Andrew do.
10. It's from an album called 'Wham! Make It Big', which the Pet Shop Boys would kill their grandmothers to have come up with first.

Ten Muses For Imaginary Menswear Collections

1. Derek Jarman (the Dungeness years)
2. Marty McFly (Back to the Future)
3. Ruprecht (Dirty Rotten Scoundrels)
4. Ronnie Lane (the country years)
5. The Savage Huns (The Warriors)
6. Kevin Rowland (Young Soul Rebels era)
7. Andrew Ridgeley (the retirement years)
8. Lil' Crazy Legs (Rock Steady Crew)
9. Lando Calrissian (The Empire Strikes Back)
10. Hiro (Heroes)

Ten Things You Can Do While Smoking Outside Besides 'Smirting'

1. Smoring - Boring people while smoking
2. Smining - Whining about having to go outside to smoke
3. Smorking - Catching up on work while smoking
4. Smexting - Texting while smoking
5. Smopping - Window shopping while smoking
6. Smarrassing - Harrassing passers-by while smoking
7. Smurfing - Surfing the internet on your phone while smoking
8. Smiding - Hiding from your ex while smoking
9. Sminking - Having a swifty while smoking
10. Smullshitting - Carrying on your pub conversation while smoking

My Ten Favourite Native Americans*

1. Toohoolhoolzote
2. Turkey Leg
3. Young-Man-Afraid-of-His-Horses
4. Curly Headed Doctor
5. Hump
6. High Back Bone
7. Leg-in-the-Water
8. Roman Nose
9. Lightning Blanket
10. Rain-in-the-Face

*As featured in Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee by Dee Brown

Nine Repetitive Onomatopoeic Japanese Words

1. Chiku-taku (tick tock)
2. Gari-Gari (scratching)
3. Pan-pan (prostitute)
4. Potsu-potsu (drip drop)
5. Sara-sara (flowing water)
6. Ton-ton (tapping)
7. Wa-wa (baby crying)
8. Zanpan (leftovers)
9. Za-za (pelting rain)

Ten Blue Plaques I'd Like To See

1. Brian Harvey ran himself over here.
2. John Prescott threw a punch here.
3. George Michael drove into a car parked opposite here.
4. Diana Ross was frisked here.
5. Kate Moss had a quiet night in here.
6. Naomi Campbell's mobile phone landed here.
7. Tony Blair felt the hand of history on his shoulder here.
8. Blake was incarcerated here.
9. Elton landed Michael Caine his album deal here.
10. Tom Cruise was last popular here.

Ten Lessons To Be Learnt From Dennis Potter

1. Resist cynicism, invite criticism.
2. Appreciate the now.
3. Don't be seduced by conformity.
4. Nurture and cherish talent.
5. Figures aren't everything.
6. There are reasons for tradition.
7. Fight the commodification of public life.
8. Be true to your idea.
9. Put wood to good use.
10. Always make time for your dad

Ten Catchphrases For Imaginary 80s US Sitcoms

1. Wake me up and tell me I'm dreaming!
2. The whole damn world's gone doolally!
3. No, it's just my Rubick's Snake!
4. Well kick me up the ass!
5. That's what Dr Harbunkle said!
6. By the power of stray gulls!
7. I just moved into the brownstone!
8. I thought you said we didn't need cords!
9. Has anyone seen my hairspray?
10. It even tells the time!

Ten Prince Albums Nobody Really Bothered With

1. O(+> (1992)
2. Come (1994)
3. The Gold Experience (1995)
4. Chaos and Disorder (1996)
5. Emancipation (1996)
6. Rave Un2 The Joy Fantastic (1999)
7. The Rainbow Children (2001)
8. Xpectation (2003)
9. N.E.W.S. (2003)
10. Musicology (2004)

Ten Great Seventh Tracks On Albums

1. Johnny Cash, American IV – 'Personal Jesus'
2. Mary J Blige, My Life – 'My Life'
3. Klaxons, Myths of the Near Future – 'Gravity’s Rainbow'
4. Bob Dylan, Pat Garrett & Billy The Kid – 'Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door'
5. Rufus Wainwright, Rufus Wainwright – 'Beauty Mark'
6. The Stone Roses, Second Coming – 'Begging You'
7. Prince Po, The Slickness – 'The Slickness'
8. Portishead, Dummy – 'Numb'
9. The Fall, Fall Heads Roll – 'Blindness'
10. Pixies, Doolittle - 'Monkey Gone to Heaven'

Ten Perfect Instrumental Tracks

1. Giorgio Moroder - 'The Chase'
2. Aphex Twin - 'Goon Gumpas'
3. New Order - 'Elegia' (full version)
4. David Crosby - 'Tamalpais High'
5. Booka Shade - 'Vertigo'
6. David Bowie - 'A New Career In A New Town'
7. Michael Head and The Strands - 'Undecided (Reprise)'
8. Paul McCartney - 'Singalong Junk'
9. Durutti Column - 'Sketch For Summer'
10. Blind Willie Johnson - 'Dark Was The Night' (sighing doesn't count)

Ten Perfect Ways To Start The Weekend

1. Cat jumping on head.
2. Finding out what you can use that quince in the fridge for on Saturday Kitchen.
3. 'At Last I Am Free' by Robert Wyatt.
4. Listening to hysterical relationship break-up happening outside bedroom window, and feeling glad it's not us.
5. Realising November = Christmas at Starbucks.
6. Wondering why the odds for 'Agbonlahor' to be first scorer in the Arsenal v Man U game are so low in the window of the local Ladbrokes, considering he plays for Aston Villa.
7. Fry-up at Jenny's.
8. Tabloid football coverage.
9. The view coming home.
10. Live football before you've even woken up properly.

The Ten Worst Premiership Players*

1. Darius Henderson (Watford)
2. Gavin Mahon (Watford)
3. Nicky Shorey (Reading)
4. Phil Neville (Everton)
5. Nicky Hunt (Bolton)
6. El-Hadji Diouf (Bolton)
7. Tommy Smith (Watford)
8. David Bentley (Blackburn)
9. Paul Robinson (Tottenham)
10. Kevin Davies (Bolton)

*Where 10 = crappest. According to Dr Ian Graham and Dr Henry Stott's Poisson log-normal statistical model (minimum of 400 minutes play to qualify)

Ten TV Shows Currently Showing In The UK That Lord Reith Would Never Have Okayed

1. Dancing On Ice: Defrosted
2. Help! My Dog's As Fat As Me
3. Sex In Court
4. The Bull**** Detective
5. My Big Breasts And Me
6. F*** Off, I'm A Hairy Woman
7. Booze Bird: Mishief
8. Penn & Teller: B*******!
9. Freaky Eaters: Addicted To Chicken
10. Half Ton Hospital With Jeremy Kyle

Ten Variations On A Rather Obvious Headline Pun

1. How Do You Solve A Problem Like Freddie? (The Observer)
2. How Do You Solve A Problem Like Mourinho? (The Mail On Sunday)
3. How Do You Solve A Problem Like Korea? (Time)
4. How Do You Solve A Problem Like ITV? (The Independent)
5. How Do You Solve A Problem Like Blair? (The Guardian)
6. How Do You Solve A Problem Like Sharia? (American Thinker)
7. How Do You Solve A Problem Like Mary? (Christian Broadcasting Network)
8. How Do You Solve A Problem Like Obama? (Chicago Sun-Times)
9. How Do You Solve A Problem Like Nasrallah? (World Net Daily)
10. How Can A Linguist Solve A Problem Like 'La Présidente'? (The Telegraph)

Ten Revealing Entries In The 'Cast Of Characters' Appendix Of Piers Morgan's 'Don't You Know Who I Am?' (Ebury Press)

1. AA Gill - "Absurdly smug and annoying TV critic"
2. Alan Sugar (Sir) - "Permanently angry tycoon"
3. David Aaranovitch - "Fat, miserable Guardian columnist"
4. David Blunkett - "Former Home Secretary, now serial whinger"
5. Ian Hislop - "Professional cynic and part-time editor of Private Eye"
6. John Prescott - "Political laughing stock"
7. Kate Winslet - "Very-pleased-with-herself actress"
8. Pete Doherty - "Singer (allegedly)"
9. Rebecca Loos - "My second cousin, also known for having fling with David Beckham"
10. Rod Liddle - "Britain's ugliest man. Also writes"

Ten Letters To Today's Times

1. Spectacles, rectangular shape thereof - L Hewings, Taunton, Somerset
2. Hostages, comparisons with Red Guard treatment, Beijing - Sir J Weston, Richmond, Middlesex
3. Hostages, ineffectuality of UN with regards to - Lt Commander K Arnitage (retd), Kesgrave, Suffolk
4. Prince Albert, talents as a hat designer - M Dennis, Gillingham, Kent
5. MPs, relative value of salaries - P Inson, Wembley, Middlesex
6. Cycling, topography of Britian as a limit to - J Gallini, St Leonards, Sussex
7. CPS, charging process of - C Pitt, Southampton, Hampshire
8. Home births, practicality of - E Annesley, Nottingham, Nottinghamshire
9. Army Benevolent Fund, appeal on behalf of - C Samuel, Cardiff, Glamorgan
10. Incas, record keeping systems of - P Thompson, London

George Foreman's Ten Children

1. Natalie Foreman
2. Michi Foreman
3. Leona Foreman
4. Freeda George Foreman
5. George Edward Foreman Jr
6. George Edward Foreman III
7. George Edward Foreman IV
8. George Edward Foreman V
9. George Edward Foreman VI
10. Georgetta Foreman

Ten Ridiculous Jean-Claude Van Damme Character Names

1. Chance Boudreaux (Hard Target, 1993)
2. Phillip Sauvage (The Hard Cops, 2006)
3. Lyon Gaultier (Lionheart, 2000)
4. Frank Dux (Bloodsport, 1988)
5. Gibson Rickenbacker (Cyborg, 1989)
6. Edward 'The Torch' Garrotte (Replicant, 2001)
7. Jacques Kristoff (Derailed, 2002)
8. Charles Le Vaillant (The Order, 2001)
9. Rudy Cafmeyer (The Order, 2001)
10. Gay Karate Man (Monaco Fever, 1984)

Jeremy Kyle's Ten Best Topics

1. Who's Father To Your Baby? Me Or My Dad?
2. I Can't Remember Cheating On You But I'll Prove You're Our Baby's Dad!
3. My Kids Are Black And Angry!
4. Mum, Please Start Eating, Please Stop Drinking!
5. I'm A Binge Drinker And A Drug Dealer, But I'll Be A Great Dad!
6. A Forty Year Feud - But Are We Even Sisters?
7. Irresistible To Women - My Fiancee Accepts It's Not My Fault!
8. Your Baby's Too White To Be Mine!
9. I Want My Boyfriend To Give Birth To Our Baby!
10. Has My Mum Had A Baby With My Husband?

Ten Teams That Romario Has Scored For In His 1000-goal Quest

1. Brazil
2. Brazil Olympic Team
3. Brazil World Cup winners (tenth anniversary team)
4. PSV
5. PSV Stars
6. Adelaide FC
7. Olaria Infants (aged 13)
8. Miami FC
9. Friends of Aldair
10. Friends of Lusinho

Ten Things To Visualise To Prevent Climax

1. Michael Vaughan sat on the balcony in his sweaty vest
2. "MaggieThatcherMaggieThatcherMaggieThatcher"
3. John McCririck in his underpants
4. Wee Jimmy Crankie
5. Gordon Brown
6. Mr Brown, our French teacher at school
7. Bilbo Baggins
8. The Proclaimers
9. David Pleat doing his little hop
10. Having to change your blogger account to gmail

One Weekend, Ten Really Badly Named Bands Playing In London...

1. The Ape Drape Escape
2. Creepy Morons
3. My Sad Captains
4. The Fabulous Penetrators
5. The Groanbox Boys
6. Miniskirt Blues
7. evianNnaive
8. Amadeus And The Composers
9. Kamikaze Creamcake
10. Nathan Flue-box

Top Ten Celebrity Dogs*

1. Schnorbitz
2. Duke (John Wayne's)
3. Maggie Mae (Lily Allen's)
4. Choppy (Ivana Trump's)
5. Martha (Paul McCartney's)
6. Puffy (Janet Jackson's)
7. Sheba (Kylie Minogue's)
8. Angel (Chuck Norris's)
9. Sweetlips (George Washington's)
10. Ching-Ching II (Shirley Temple's)

*Sponsored by the sterling chaps at ONETrueSaxon.
Not that there's any money in it, but they promised me some new socks.

Ten Words You Don't Hear Very Often These Days

1. Cagoule
2. Forthwith
3. Blimmin'
4. Dachsund
5. Toad-in-the-Hole
6. Garter
7. Seance
8. Woodwork
9. Darn
10. Elevenses

Ten Tips For Successful Living

1. Never enter a pub opposite a railway station.
2. Never talk to a man in a cagoule hood.
3. Never lend soap.
4. Never explain jokes.
5. Never volunteer.
6. Never bet on England.
7. Never own up.
8. Never offer to wash up.
9. Never use baskets to carry eggs.
10. Never read the last page of a book first.

The Ten Dullest Football Autobiography Titles

1. Stephen Gerrard: My Autobiography
2. George Cohen: My Autobiography
3. Greavsie: The Autobiography
4. Banksy: The Autobiography
5. Tom Finney Autobiography
6. Peter Shilton: My Autobiography
7. Jack Charlton: The Autobiography
8. Kevin Keegan: My Autobiography
9. Robbie Folwer: My Autobiography
10. Harry Redknapp: An Autobiography

Ten Songs That Inexplicably Pop Up In My Head With Alarming Regularity

1. Flag Day - The Housemartins
2. We Work The Black Seam - Sting
3. You Little Thief - Feargal Sharkey
4. Sonny's Letter - Wet Wet Wet
5. South American Getaway - Burt Bacharach
6. Spies Like Us - Paul McCartney
7. Puff The Magic Dragon - Peter, Paul and Mary
8. Love Is All Around - The Troggs
9. Time To Get Alone - The Beach Boys
10. I Know A Song That'll Get On Your Nerves (Traditional)

Fashion Magazine Examination: Paper ii: Reading Comprehension

Answer as many questions as possible in the time allowed...

1. Copy below the exact same sentence copied directly from a press release that appears in two or more magazines' 'upfront' sections this month: ____________ (10 points per magazine)
2. List one thing you would actually want from the Christmas guide in any magazine of your choosing: __________ (100 points)
3. Find the magazine with the smallest number of pages between the cover and the contents page: __________ (1-10 pages: 100 points; 11-50 pages: 50 points; 51-100 pages: 10 points; 101+ pages: 1 point)
4. Estimate how many of the readers' letters come from genuine readers: __________ (find three or more: 100 points)
5. Count the number of items in the 'down' section of barometers that are championed elsewhere in the same magazine: _________ (50 points per item)
6. Estimate the total number of people who will heed the advice in all of the sex/beauty/style/health columns this month: _________ (100 points for a correct answer to the nearest 2)
7. For each magazine, divide the number of pages in total by the number of adverts. If your answer is greater than 2, award yourself a bonus 100 points.
8. Count the number of times the words "Exclusive", "Sexy", "Literally" and "Collector's Item" are used in the correct context: _________ (200 points per instance)
9. Using your skill and judgement, provide a logical link between the various features mentioned in the editor's letter (points awarded out of 100 at examiner's discretion)
10. Tie-break question: try and find a negative word in any magazine describing the company advertising on its back cover. Write the word here: ____________

Ten Inappropriate Kitten Names Suggested By www.kitten-names.com

1. Spunky
2. Xerox
3. Pie
4. Fajita
5. Migraine
6. Death Breath
7. Casserole
8. BJ
9. Boozer
10. Sirloin

Ten Things That Will Never Be As Good As They Used To Be

1. Michael Jackson.
2. The Colonel's Secret Recipe.
3. Steve Martin.
4. Nottingham Forest.
5. The Welfare State.
6. The Bill.
7. George Lucas.
8. Punk rockers.
9. Trains.
10. Birthdays.

Ten Intriguingly Titled Blogs

1. Geek And Poke
2. Nurse Ratched's Place
3. Rickety Contrivances Of Doing Good
4. I'm OK - You Need Meds
5. The Mustn't Grumble
6. The Jar With Peanuts
7. Again! Again!
8. A Few Intelligent Thoughts From A Brain Dead Jock
9. My Splatter Painted Life
10. Poop Tube

Ten Types Of People I Don't Trust

1. People who wear the flag of St George when not inside football stadiums.
2. People who don't like The Beatles.
3. People in a leather jackets but not on motorbikes.
4. People who don't wear socks.
5. People who have colonic irrigation.
6. People who never come to the pub.
7. People who are always in the pub.
8. Ex-hippies.
9. Anthony Worrall Thompsons.
10. Anyone who makes sweeping generalisations about types of people.

The Ten Best Trivial Pursuit Questions

1. What did 100,000 self-conscious American women buy 200,000 of in 1980? (A: Breast implants)
2. Do porcupines masturbate? (A: Yes)
3. What did the first Spanish dog to be fitted with contact lenses not see the day after the fitting? (A: The car that killed him)
4. Who was the official hair consultant to the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics? (A: Vidal Sassoon)
5. Who once warned: "Never eat more than you can lift"? (A: Miss Piggy)
6. What African animal's name is made up of the letters n, g and u? (A: Gnu)
7. What salad dressing does the 'special sauce' on a Big Mac most closely resemble? (A: Thousand Island)
8. What was the surname of the American Civil War general who has lent his name to prostitutes? (A: Hooker)
9. How many rings make up an arm on a Michelin Man? (A: Four)
10 What is Canada's most prevalent goose? (A: The Canada Goose)

Ten Ways To Make A Radical Stand Against The Modern World In General

1. On the London Underground, only read adult-sized newspapers which you paid for.
2. In bars, ask for drinks you haven't seen advertised on TV.
3. Interact with your friends by going round their house for tea.
4. Buy clothing based entirely on comfort and value for money.
5. Spend your weekends in places with no phone reception.
6. Make something out of wood and string.
7. Write a letter using a pen.
8. And then post it.
9. Support the football team that's closest geographically to your house.
10. Smile at strangers.

Ten Winners Of Ridiculous Pop Polls

1. The Beatles - 'Sgt Pepper's Lonley Hearts Club Band' (HMV/C4/Guardian Top 100 Albums of the Millennium, 1997)*
2. ELO - 'Livin' Thing' (Q magazine Top 50 Guilty Pleasures, 2006)
3. The Wolfe Tones - 'A Nation Once Again' (BBC World Service World's Favourite Song, 2002)
4. U2 - 'One' (Q magazine 1001 Best Songs Ever, 2003)
5. Nirvana - 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' (VH1 Greatest Song Of The Past 25 Years, 2003)
6. Oasis - 'Live Forever' (Q magazine 100 Greatest Songs Ever, 2006)
7. Bob Dylan - 'Like A Rolling Stone' (Rolling Stone magazine 500 Greatest Songs Of All Time, 2004)
8. Radiohead - 'OK Computer' (C4 100 Best Albums Of All Time)
9. Oasis - 'Definitely Maybe' (Q magazine Best British Albums, 2004)
10. Michael Jackson - 'Billie Jean' (Blender magazine 500 Greatest Songs Since You Were Born, 2005)

*Earliest year of said millennium actually represented by the poll: 1959

Ten Uninspiring Dulux Heritage Paint Colours

1. Waiting Room Green
2. Light Buff
3. Biscuit Beige
4. Panel White
5. Linen Colour
6. Drab
7. Eau De Nil
8. Tin White
9. Lead Colour
10. Dark Brown

Ten B-Movies Yet To Have US College Bands Named After Them

1. The Abominable Dr Phibes (1971)
2. The Gore Gore Girls (1972)
3. The Dunwich Horror (1970)
4. My Demon Lover (1987)
5. Eegah! (1962)
6. Rebirth Of Mothra (1996)
7. Hell Comes To Frogtown (1987)
8. Sorority Babes In The Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (1988)
9. The Video Dead (1987)
10. The Beast Of Yucca Flats (1961)

Ten Answers To Smiths/Morrissey Songs, In The Spirit Of 'Stephen, It Was Really Something'

1. What, now... or now?
2. I've heard this one before.
3. Well I still think it's funny.
4. I don't care, I'm still not listening.
5. Why, who are you anyway?
6. Because you keep telling us.
7. No I'm bloody not, skinny.
8. Well, since you asked so nicely, go on then.
9. Same difference.
10. I will not, it's really gone downhill since they renovated the Lock.

Ten People I Often Confuse In My Head

1. John Cale and JJ Cale
2. Kim Deal and Kim Gordon
3. Stuart Pearce and Paul Weller
4. Bernard Langer and Points West presenter Graham Purches
5. Andy Caddick and Tony Hadley

Ten Business Books With Overly Long Titles

1. 'Who Moved My Cheese? An Amazing Way to Deal with Change in Your Work and in Your Life' - Spencer Johnson
2. 'Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realise Your Potential for Lasting Fulfilment' - Martin Seligman
3. 'Advanced Selling Strategies: The Proven System of Sales Ideas, Methods and Techniques Used by Top Salespeople Everywhere' - Brian Tracy
4. 'It's not How Good You Are, It's How Good You Want to Be' – Paul Arden.
5. 'The Pyramid Principle: Present Your Thinking So Clearly That the Ideas Jump Off the Page and into the Reader's Mind' - Barbara Minto
6. 'The Present: The Gift That Makes You Happy and Successful at Work and in Life' - Spencer Johnson
7. 'Fish! Sticks: A Remarkable Way to Adapt to Changing Times and Keep Your Work Fresh' - Steve Lundin
8. 'What Color Is Your Parachute?: A Practical Guide for Job-Hunters and Career Changers' - Richard Nelson Bolles
9. 'How to Be an Even Better Chair: Sensible Advice About Chairing in the Charity, Not-for-Profit and Public Sectors' - Sophie Petit-Zeman
10. 'The 9 Ways of Working: How to Use the Enneagram to Discover Your Natural Strengths and Work More Effectively' - Michael J. Goldberg

*With thanks to the Iron Man.

Ten Phrases That Have Lost All Currency

1. Limited Edition
2. Genius
3. Exclusive!
4. Literally
5. Special
6. Best Ever
7. Public vote
8. The inside story
9. Professional
10. Representative government

Ouch, liddle bitta politics there.