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Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Ten Shipwrecks Near Sandwich in Kent

1. The Russia 1889
2. The Gemini 1891
3. The St Dominic 1743
4. HMS Rooke 1916
5. The Charles Carter 1811
6. The Countess 1918
7. The Ann Lyon 1623
8. The Olympia 1918
9. The Dasher 1811
10. The Sandwich 1757

Tuesday, May 01, 2012

The Ten Most Impressive Touchline Performances

1. Nagoya Grampus Eight Coach Dragan Stojkovic scores the ‘goal of his life’ from the technical area – and gets sent off for his efforts.

2. The Special One introduces himself to Old Trafford.

3. Dedication’s what you need if you wanna be a Premier League linesman.

4. Phil Brown takes centre stage for a change after Hull avoid relegation.

5. Norwich fans look away know… ’Where are you?’.

6. Arsene Wenger finds some new friends.

7. Cloughie mistakes fans for Roy Keane.

8. Rafa’s perfect 6.0.

9. Fan vs linesman.

10. Entire end vs linesman, AKA You’ll Never Walk Alone.

Ten Footballers Who Think They Can Sing

1. Kevin Keegan invents Bubble Perm Pop.

2. Terry Venables sends the audience into rapture.

3. Andrey Arshavin, looking even more like a 12-year-old than usual.

4. Clint Dempsey – or should we say Deuce?

5. Hoddle ‘n’ Waddle , not taking themselves seriously at all.

6. Waddle again, with Basil Boli dressed as a Beefeater. Of course.

7. John Barnes. Obviously.

8. Andy Cole. Less obviously.

9. Hoddle again, murdering the Beatles.

10. Not even Pet Shop Boy Chris Lowe can save Ian Wright

Friday, April 06, 2012

Ten Things From Minority Report That Apple Haven't Perfected Yet

1. Murderless society
2. Clairvoyants in swimming pools
3. Talking cereal boxes
4. Slave1 style spaceships
5. Max Von Sydow
6. Transparent computer screens
7. Phantom Menace senate style morgue of frozen murderers
8. Bingo ball style crime prediction system
9. PSP memory cards with holograms in them
10. Screenless 3D hologram file storage system

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Ten Things You Never See Any More (Other Than Spangles)

1. Maxell metal tapes
2. Three-wheeled cars (prams don't count)
3. Joke shops
4. Those 'thanks for parking so close to me' notes with a picture of Mickey Mouse flipping the bird
5. Supermarket stamp books
6. Teams of TV dancers because there's no pop video available
7. Beer adverts involving men singing marching songs
8. The phrase 'Auto Reverse'
9. That weird Test Card girl
10. Footballers with socks round their ankles

Monday, January 30, 2012

You And Whose Army?

1. Private Parking
2. Bombardier Bitter
3. Corporal Punishment
4. Sgt Pepper
5= Captain Sensible
5= Captain Beaky
7. Major Tom
8. Colonel Mustard
9. The Brigadier
10. General Waste

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Ten Acts of Random Kindness

1. Give you seat up to someone no more deserving than you on public transport
2. Pay for the person next to you in the coffee shop
3. Leave finished books behind for others to read,  like you leave newspapers
4. Tip staff in fast food outlets
5. Buy David Bowie albums for anyone you like
6. Give your unexpired parking tickets to people who are just arriving
7. Always stop to pet cats
8. Offer to take photos of couples for them
9. Say thank you to people doing thankless jobs
10. Write emails of praise to companies when they make things work as they should do