Ten Legitimate Grounds For Divorce

1. The sound of defendant’s eating.
2. Defendant’s consistent finishing of the milk.
3. Defendant’s collection of small and allegedly “cute” figurines.
4. Defendant’s constant use of pet names in public.
5. Defendant’s inability to use the clutch correctly.
6. Defendant’s hogging of the remote control.
7. Defendant’s refusal to acknowledge the genius of Bob Dylan / George Best / Billie Piper.
8. Defendant’s sniggering at plaintiff’s stash of vintage comics “which must be worth a fair bob or two nowadays”.
9. Defendant’s lack of respect for stylus.
10. Defendant’s reliance on overly familiar gags that weren’t particularly funny 15 years ago.