Ten Fair And Balanced Headlines That Have Appeared Since Nick Clegg Turned Out To Be More Popular Than The Papers Thought

1. Clegg in Nazi Slur on Britain (Daily Mail, 22 April)
2. Nick Clegg, the Lib Dem donors and payments into his private account (The Daily Telegraph, 22 April)
3. Clegg's Crazy Immigration Policy (Daily Express, 22 April)
4. General Election 2010: Nick Clegg Uncovered (The Daily Telegraph, 22 April)
5. Clegg's On Defensive (The Sun, 20 April)
6. Nick Clegg is a sycophantic, pro-immigration Europhile (The Daily Telegraph, 19 April)
7. Nick's Nuclear Pledge Panic (The Sun, 18 April)
8. Voters Don't Have a Clegg To Stand On (News of the World, 18 April)
9. Clegg, the panto Yorkshireman: he plays the Northerner, but he's really from the Home Counties and is as posh as Dave (17 April)
10. Beware the Glib-Dems (The Sun, 17 April)

Ten Cracking Meals

1. Roast Poussin by my fair hand






2. Sea Bream, Slug & Lettuce, Leicester Square






3. Bacon Sarnie, The Phoneix, Alexandra Palace





4. Cheesecake, Merci, Paris






5. Pork and Clams, Bedford & Strand, Covent Garden






6. Croque Madame, Le Dome du Marais, Paris






7. Chicken & Mushroom broth with beans, my place






8. Mushroom quiche, Bread and Roses, Paris





9. Wolfberries with champagne mousse, First, Paris






10. Pete's cake for Rachel, Redwood

Ten Things I Overheard In The Street And Wrote Down Because They Made Me Laugh

1. Good Morning! [at 7pm]
2. If she saw how he played golf, she'd leave him
3. The way they run the government here is crazy
4. Was that Jon Pertwee?
5. His house is very civilised but it smells.
6. If you're on your second wife I think you should leave your money to the kids.
7. If you don't celebrate Easter, can you still have Easter eggs?
8. How many shops are we going to?
9. Jim Morrison? It rings a vague sort of a bell.
10. She's only got so many old books because it takes her that long to read them.

Ten GQ Appearances By David Cameron

1. First in GQ's 2009 Most Influential Men list
2. Has the wider population warmed to David Cameron? (Laurie Laird, Oct 2009)
3. Brown and Cameron do an Obama (Laurie Laird, April 2010)
4. David's Dilemma: the devil is in the details (Laurie Laird, July 2009)
5. Second in GQ's 2007 Best-Dressed Men list
6. The PM remains distant as Cameron scores a coup (Tara Hamilton-Miller, April 2010)
7. David Cameron: A PM for all seasons? (Charlie Brooks, May 2010)
8. Eighth in GQ's 2010 Best-Dressed Men list (Gordon Brown first in 'worst dressed' list)
9. The Final Push (David Cameron interviewed by Matthew d'Ancona, May 2010)
10. Somewhere Boys (the Bullingdon look as fashion statement, GQ Style, S/S 2010 )

Ten Footballers Who've Scored Own Goals For Manchester United This Season (In Reverse Chronological Order)

1. Jlloyd Samuel (Bolton Wanderers, 27 March 2010)
2. James Collins (Aston Villa, 10 February 2010)
3= Anthony Borre (Portsmouth, 6 February 2010)
3= Richard Hughes (Portsmouth, 6 February 2010)
3= Marc Wilson (Portsmouth, 6 February 2010)
6. Scott Dan (Birmingham CIty, 9 January 2010)
7. Andy Dawson (Hull City, 27 December 2009)
8. Zat Knight (Bolton Wanderers, 17 October 2009)
9. Anton Ferdinand (Sunderland, 3 October 2009)
10. Abou Diaby (Arsenal, 28 August 2009)

Ten Places With Long Names

1. Muckanaghederdauhaulia (Ireland)
2. Äteritsiputeritsipuolilautatsi-jänkä (Finland)
3. St Martin-in-the-Fields Church Path (London)
4. Bolderwood Arboretum Ornamental Drive (New Forest)
5. Burgemeester Baron van Voerst van Lyndenstraat (Netherlands)
6. Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch (Wales)
7. Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg (USA)
8. Dwudziestego Pierwszego Praskiego Pułku Piechoty imienia Dzieci Warszawy (Poland)
9.Tetaumatawhakatangihangakoauaotamateaurehaeaturipuk
apihimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuaakitanarahu (New Zealand)
10. Krungthepmahanakornamornratanakosinmahintarayuttha-yamahadilokphopnopparatrajathaniburiromudomrajaniwesmahasatharnamornphimarnavatarnsathitsakkattiyavisanukamprasit (Thailand)

Ten Pieces Of Advice For Movie Baddies

1. Always check under the bed to ensure there aren't any kids about to witness their parents' murder. They have a tendency to grow into kick-ass kung-fu experts or superheroes or somesuch.
2. If you really must include a thermal exhaust port in your plans,
try and avoid a mile-long trench leading straight to it.
3. Don't tell anyone your masterplan - least of all your arch enemy.
Even if you think he's about to die, he invariably won't. He's
annoying like that.
4. Similarly, resist the temptation to tell him how you're going to
kill him before you actually kill him.
5. Not everyone shares your vision of a new utopian society with you in sole charge.
6. In fact, no-one does.
7. You can replace your staff with robots, but you can't trust either.
8. Watch out for your right-hand man too.
9. Underwater kingdoms are really really easy to destroy.
10. Let's face it, whatever happens you're going to end up dying
spectacularly.

Ten Books Priced £1 In The Local Secondhand Book Store Sale

1. The Small Alpine Garden, Captain H P Leschallas
2. English Country Churches, Richard Briers
3. Gluck, Gluck, Gluck, Malcolm Gluck
4. Raphael's Astronomical Ephemeris of the Planet's Places for 1978
5. Rebel Rebel: 25 Years of Teenage Trauma, Chris Tarrant
6. Love in Germany, Genevieve Bianquis
7. Wyndham and Children First, Lord Egremont
8. Euro Disney Resort, Michelin Guide
9. In Mexican Prisons, Eduard Harkort
10. Social and Political Consequences of the Motor Car, P M Townroe

Ten Brilliantly Named Films Starring Ice T

1. Frankenpenis (1996)
2. Jacob Two Two Meets The Hooded Fang (1999)
3. Who's The Man? (1993)
4. Out Kold (2001)
5. Air Rage (2001)
6. Copy That (2006)
7. Crime Partners 2000 (2000)
8. Frezno Smooth (1998)
9. Sonic Impact (1998)
10. Leprechaun in the Hood (2000)

Five Songs Where The First Word Sung In The Lyric Is 'And'

1. A Sort of Homecoming, U2
2. And She Was, Talking Heads
3. And The Beat Goes On, The Whispers
4. And I Love You So, Don MacLean
5. And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going, Jennifer Hudson

The Ten Most Populated Towns in England in 1377*

1. London (40,000 people)
2. York (12,100)
3. Bristol (10.600)
4. Coventry (8,000)
5. Norwich (6,600)
6. Lincoln (5,900)
7. Salisbury (5,400)
8. Lynn (5,400)
9. Colchester (4,900)
10. Boston (4,800)

*With apologies to Ian Mortimer (who did all the work)

Ten Posh Ways To Eat Toast

1. Toasted and then turned inside out
2. Done on one side
3. Anchovy toast
4. Roasted marrow on toast
5. Canapé Martha
6. Melba toast
7. Welsh rarebit
8. With beef dripping
9. Pain Perdu
10. French toast

Ten Courses At TyvenKokkenHansKoneogHendesElsker, February 5, 2001

1. Foie gras
2. Halibut with mussels, roe, rice cracker and mussel sauce
3. Herring with fennel on eggy bread
4. Terrine of rabbit with red pepper purée, herb & orange sauce and rabbit's kidney
5. Lobster Ravioli with fish soup & dried bacon cracker
6. Deer with cocoa sauce and beetroot & pomegranate mousse
7. Shot of hibiscus jelly
8. Artichoke pastry
9. Goats cheese sorbet
10. Stack of 15 mini pancakes with banana & cinnamon ice cream

Ten Things I'd Never Noticed On Beatles Songs Before

1. John Lennon saying 'Cor' at the end of Twist And Shout
2. The sand shaker in She's A Woman
3. The handclaps on I'm Looking Through You
4. The laughing at the end of Within You And Without You
5. The ad-libs in the background of the first 'la-la-la-las' in Hey Jude
6. Ringo counting himself in during the orchestral break in Good Night
7. The '…lia' bit of Julia
8. The fireman's bell in Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except For Me And My Monkey
9. The harmonium in the verses of We Can Work It Out
10. John Lennon singing 'I' instead of 'you' in What You're Doing

Ten Eskimo Words For Dog

1. Kringmerk - dog
2. Issorartuyok - lead dog
3. Apadlerpak - last dog
4. Assinaitok - untied dog
5. Kalibjarpok - dog trying to break loose
6. Pameiyut - dog with tail up
7. Uniyok - jealous dogs
8. Immoriktok - curled up dog
9. Kattingolarpok - grunting dog
10. Malarpok - yelping dog

A Choice From Every Course* Of The RMS Titanic's First Class Menu For 14 April 1912

1. Oysters à la Russe
2. Consommé Olga
3. Pouched Salmon with Mousseline Sauce
4. Vegetable Marrow Farci
5. Calvados-Glazed Roast Duckling and Apple Sauce
6. Punch Romaine
7. Roast Squab on Wilted Cress
8. Asparagus Salad with Champagne-Saffron Vinaigrette
9. Pâté de Foie Gras
10. Waldorf Pudding

*Not including the cheese, fruit or coffee

Ten Weird Books From Abe Books' Weird Books Room

1. Anybody Can Be Cool… But Awesome Takes Practice, Lorraine Peterson
2. How To Teach Physics To Your Dog, Chad Orzel
3. The Who's Who of British Beheadings, Geoffrey Abbott
4. The Beverly Hillbillies Bible Study, Stephen Skelton
5. Hanging Out: The Upside Down Exercise Book, Ira J Rappaport
6. Remember Your Rubbers! Collectible Condom Containers, GK Elliott, D O'Brien, G Goehring
7. Elvis After Life: Unusual Psychic Experiences Surrounding The Death Of A Superstar, Raymond A Moody
8. Male Delivery: Reproduction, Effeminacy And Pregnant Men In Early Spain, Sherry Velasco
9. The Bible Care For Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Don Colbert
10. Jewish Chess Masters On Stamps, Felix Berkovich

The Ten Slowest Half-Centuries in Test Cricket

1. TE Bailey, England v Australia, Bisbane, 1958-59: 357 minutes
2. CJ Tavaré, England v Pakistan, Lords, 1982: 350 minutes
3. BA Young, New Zealand v South Africa, Durban, 1994-95: 333 minutes
4. SM Gavaskar, India v Sri Lanka, Colombo, 1985-86: 326 minutes
5. Ramiz Raja, Pakistan v West Indies, Karachi, 1986-87: 318 minutes
6. CPS Chauhan, India v Pakistan, Kanpur, 1979-80: 316 minutes
7. Shoaib Mohammed, Pakistan v Zimbabwe, Lahore, 1993-94: 315 minutes
8. DJ McGlew, South Africa v Australia, Jo'burg, 1957-58: 313 minutes
9. JJ Crowe, New Zealand v Sri Lanka, Colombo, 1986-87: 312 minutes
10. BA Edgar, New Zealand v Australia, Wellington, 1981-82: 310 minutes

Ten Things Due To Happen In 2010 According To Science Fiction

1. Eviction of aliens from District 9 begins: Wikus Van De Merwe becomes infected and starts turning into an alien.
2. Drone robots created by humans to carry out construction jobs (Matrix Revolutions)
3. City of San Angeles is created after the Great Earthquake destroys San Diego and Los Angeles (Demolition Man)
4. The US Space shuttle fleet is retired (Enterprise)
5. HAL-9000 is re-activated (2010: The Year We Make Contact)
6. SG-1 attempt to send a message to the past to prevent earth's alliance with the Aschen Confederacy (Stargate)
7. Lars abandons his job as Assistant Director of the New York Aquarium and heads to the North Pole on a whaling boat (Futurama)
8. A new form of space-based energy is adopted (Arthur C Clarke)
9. The first baby is born on Arkadia (Space 1999)
10. Construction begins of the Trans-Atlantic Tunnel (Harlem Heroes, 2000AD)

Ten Great Magazines That Closed Down in 2009

1. Arena
2. Vibe
3. Giant
4. I.D.
5. Portfolio
6. Blender
7. Domino
8. Gourmet
9. Observer Sport Monthly
10. Editor & Publisher

The Top Ten Top Tens Of Top Tens*

1. Grocerylist.org's top 10 Grocery lists
2. Nerve magazine's Top internet lists of 2009
3. Listverse's ultimate top ten lists
4. Kotaku's Top 5 list of top 10 lists
5. RSSSF's Top 18 top 10 FIFA footballers of the year, 1991-2008
6. McSweeney's List of ideas for ideas for lists
7. The Top Tens' most popular top 10s
8. ACF's 30 best top 10 lists ever
9. Endless Simmer's Top 10 top 10 food lists
10. Totally Top 10's top 10 Letterman top 10s

*Editors cannot guarantee all lists consist of ten entries

The Ten Squarest States In The US (Number One Being Squarest)

1. Wyoming
2. Colorado
3. Kansas
4. North Dakota
5. New Mexico
6. Utah
7. South Dakota
8. Pennsylvania
9. Nebraska
10. Arizona

Ten Answers To Beach Boys Songs

1. Nice? It would be AMAZING.
2. What, to EAT? Has anyone ever told you, you're really odd?
3. Yeah he's OK, but he's not all that.
4. The answer's in the question if you think about it.
5. Who else would it be?
6. Yes - and we'd like you to share it with the rest of the class, Wilson.
7. No, I'm sorry. We've got work to do. You can't daydream all your life.
8. So does my kid. But he's 18 months old.
9. Oh, now I'm holding you up?
10. That's really not any excuse is it?

The Ten Most Deadly Animals In The World (Average Annual Fatalities In Brackets)

1. Mosquito (Up to 2,000,000)
2. Snake (Up to 125,000)
3. Scorpion (Up to 2,000)
4. Big Cat (800)
5. Crocodile (Up to 800)
6. Elephant (Up to 500)
7. Hippo (Up to 150)
8=. Jellyfish (100)
8=. Shark (100)
10. Bear (5-10)

Ten Things That Make For Really Dull Lists

1. Favourite records
2. Goals
3. Items of shopping
4. Things to do
5. Gigs
6. Friends
7. Lovers
8. Achievements
9. Resolutions
10. Lists

My Top Ten Songs Of The Decade, Determined By The Number Of Plays On iTunes (Regardless Of Whether They Were Actually Released In The Last Ten Years)

1. Shack - Happy Ever After
2. Madonna - Burning Up
3. Robert Wyatt - At Last I Am Free
4. Brian Eno - Needles In The Camel's Eye
5. The Association - Never My Love
6. Beachwood Sparks - By My Side
7. Electrelane - More Than This
8. The Beatles - Come And Get It
9. David Bowie - A New Career In A New Town
10. Flowered Up - It's On

Ten Irish Writers Recommended By Kevin Rowland

1. Oscar Wilde
2. Brendan Behan
3. Sean O'Casey
4. George Bernard Shaw
5. Samuel Beckett
6. Eugene O'Neill
7. Edna O'Brien
8. Lawrence Stern
9. Philip Casey
10. Paeder Kearney

Ten Bands I've Somehow Managed To Avoid Seeing Live

1. Oasis
2. Pixies
3. St Etienne
4. Morrissey
5. Portishead
6. Bruce Springsteen
7. David Bowie
8. Grace Jones
9. Depeche Mode
10. Kraftwerk

Ten Uses of the Verbs 'Sough'/'Slough' by Norman Mailer

1. "...the soughing of surf" ('The Naked And The Dead')
2. "After a hundred yards they were forced to slough through..." ('The Naked And The Dead')
3. "Live with your cowardice… Hate it or defend it, but don't try to slough it off." ('The Spooky Art: Some Thoughts On Writing')
4. "…a New England wind… came soughing out of the sky" ('Advertisements For Myself')
5. "…even the sloughing of prejudice, particularly when it is abrupt, partakes of the naive" ('Advertisements For Myself')
6. "...the wind soughed through the draws" ('The Naked And The Dead')
7. "Whatever strait-jacket there had been about his movements lately would be sloughed off…" ('The Naked And The Dead')
8. "…as he had sloughed off Hearn" ('The Naked And The Dead')
9. "The president was, after all, getting into the same slough of muddy reasoning as the liberals" ('How the Wimp Won the War')
10. "there is still hope for me if only I can slough the hundred crimes upon my head" ('Barbary Shore')

Top Ten Causes of Injury in the Street in 1887 (number of injuries in brackets)

1. Light Cart (1,138)
2. Cabs (919)
3. Vans (683)
4. Omnibuses and Cars (346)
5. Broughmans and Carriages (345)
6. Heavy Carts (153)
7. Horses Ridden (135)
8. Wagons and Drays (133)
9. Covered Vehicles (67)
10. Velocipedes (53)

Ten Lessons I Learnt From My Brother

1. Everything sounds funny in a West Country accent
2. The glass is always full
3. The Greatest Love Of All is an awesome song by George Benson, not a crappy song by Whitney Houston
4. There's always time
5. The weaker sex is the one that thinks one sex is weaker
6. You can solve most things with a smile
7. Never be scared of straight lines
8. Stay friends with your exes
9. You can usually rely on a farmer to pull you out of a ditch
10. Always be the good guy

Ten Nuclear Strategies Considered By WOPR (War Operations Plan Response) In The Film Wargames

1. Sudan Surprise
2. Hong Kong Variant
3. Venezuela Sudden
4. Seato Decapitating
5. English Escalation
6. Chad Alert
7. Iraq Sovereignty
8. Mongolian Thrust
9. Turkish Heavy
10. Bulgarian Clandestine

The Ten Worst Ideas That Have Been Touched By The Hand Of 'McG'

1. Charlie's Angels
2. Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle
3. Terminator Salvation
4. Terminator 5
5. The 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea remake
6. The Revenge of the Nerds remake
7. Hot Wheels
8. Offspring's Pretty Fly (For A White Guy) video
9. The Spaced Remake
10. His name

Ten Arsenal Football Clubs

1 FK Arsenal, Serbia
2 FK Arsenal, Montenegro
3 FC Arsenal Kyiv, Ukraine
4 Arsenal Wanderers, Mauritius
5 Arsenal de Sarandí, Argentina
6 Arsenal (Maseru), Lesotho
7 Berekum Arsenal, Ghana
8 FC Arsenal Kazanlak, Bulgaria
9 Arsenal FC (Roatan), Honduras
10 FC Arsenal-Tula Tuka (Russia)

Ten Things 'They' Will Probably Consider Bringing The Face Magazine Back As

1. A Twitter update

2. A ringtone

3. An iPhone 'App'

4. One of those papers you find at the bottom of the escalators in the tube

5. A 'brand extension' 

6. A banner ad

7. A ROFLcopter

8. Zoo with more fashion-related breasts

9. A social network

10. All of the above

The Ten Best Gay Cars of 2009*

1. Audi A4 - Best Car for the Gay Professional
2. Infiniti AX - Best Car for the New Gay Family
3. Maserati Gran Turismo S - Best Boy Toy
4. Honda Civic GX Natural Gas Vehicle - Best Green Queen
5. Mitsubishi Lancer GTS - Best Gay Teen Machine
6. Saab 9-3 Lynx Yellow Convertible - Best Topless Go-Go Getter
7. Nissan Maxima - Best Cruiser for the Trendy Gay Man
8. Ford Flex - Best Retro Flagship
9. Ford Glass Top Mustang - Top Gadget God
10. Erm, there's only 9

*According to www.about.com's Gay Life section

Ten Managementspeak Slogans

1 There’s no YOU in OUR FIVE YEAR PLAN
2 You can’t have your stupid TEAM MEETING without ME
3 There’s a big I in QUIT
4 There’s none of US in TEAMWORK
5 LUNCH is for STARTERS
6 Never make the same mistake twice unless you're absolutely sure you can get away with it again
7 You’ve got your TOTAL TRANSPARENCY back to front
8 I’ve tried 360 THINKING but I ended up where I started
9 Never ask WILL THIS DO (it probably will)
10 If we take U out of THE NEIGHBOURHOOD it makes no difference to our American bosses

Ten Candidates For The 1860 Republican Presidential Nomination (Who Weren't Called Abraham Lincoln)

1. William H Seward, New York (173.5 votes in first ballot)
2. Edward Bates, Missouri
(48 votes)
3. William Lewis Dayton, New Jersey (14 votes)
4. John C Frémont, California
(1 vote)
5. Salmon Portland Chase, Ohio (49 votes)
6. Jacob Collamer, Vermont
(10 votes)
7. Simon Cameron, Pennsylvania (50.5 votes)
8. John McLean, Ohio (12 votes)
9. Benjamin Franklin Wade, Ohio (3 votes)
10. Cassius Marcellus Clay, Kentucky (0 votes)

Ten Comments I Just Accidentally Deleted...

Um, I just realised I'm not as unpopular as I thought - there were a load of comments waiting to be moderated by me. So I selected them all, thought I'd pressed 'publish', and then tried to delete an obvious spam one. Umm.. anyway, thanks for your comments

Ten Of The Great Disappointments In Life

1. Getting a cardboard puzzle as the 'suprise' in your Kinder Egg
2. Waking up to realise the clocks have gone forward
3. Finding that the 'Big Match Revisited' on ITV4 is highlights of the Division Two match between Leyton Orient and Brighton & Hove Albion. From 1979.
4. Realising too late that The Colour Of Money in the TV schedules is a crappy gameshow, not the Paul Newman movie.
5. The new U2 album (whatever year of the 21st Century it is)
6. Having a quarter-bowl worth of cereal left in the packet
7. Final Score
8. Oxford Street
9. Burnt toast
10. Luton Airport

Ten Rubbish Groups Who Probably Haven't Told Their Parents What Their Band Is Called

1. Selfish C**t
2. Nashville Pussy
3. F*** Buttons
4. Holy F***
5. F***
6. The F***ing Champs
7. Anal C**t
8. The C**ts
9. F***ed Up
10. The F***in' S**t Biscuits

Ten Canapes I'd Never Eat

1. Chicken sandwich minus the filling
2. Doritos with added dollop
3. Blinis wrapped round cucumber
4. Bruschetta Doorsteps
5. Tomato and mozzarella, 'grilled in some way'
6. Hot tinned tuna and basil oil
7. Peanut butter sandwiches
8. Wraps with extra leaves
9. Cold vol-au-vents
10. A piece of cheese and a lump of branston on a cocktail stick

Ten London Roads That Used to be Called Charles Street

1. Aylward St, E1
2. Scurr St, E14
3. Greville St, EC1
4. Viscount St, EC1
5. Yeate St, N1
6. Corrall Rd, N7
7. Phoenix Rd, NW1
8. Nicholson St, SE1
9. Trevor St, SW7
10. Queensdale Pl, W11