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Wednesday, December 21, 2005

The Other 45 Ways To Leave Your Lover*

Paul Simon listed 5 (You just slip out the back, Jack / Make a new plan, Stan / You don’t need to be coy, Roy / Hop on the bus, Gus / Just drop off the key, Lee) - here are the rest

1. Send them a fax, Max
2. Jump on a train, Jane
3. Do it by text, Rex
4. Climb out on the roof, youth
5. Say there’s no spark, Mark
6. Have sex on the web, Jeb
7. Tell her she’s whack, Jack
8. Poison her food, Jude
9. Say you prefer men, Glenn
10. Pretend you’re unwell, Mel
11. Belittle his penis, Glynnis
12. Boil up his bunny, honey
13. Give them VD, Bree
14. Cause controversy, G
15. Say you’re under 16, Jean
16. Just cut off his dick, Nick
17. Reveal you’re a man, Jan
18. Say he’s too small, Paul
19. Describe her as ‘whorey’, Rory
20. Call him a big fairy, Mary
21. Ask for more space, Grace
22. Send an email, Rael
23. Say she’s the school bike, Mike
24. Call her a tart, Bart
25. Hit on her Dad, Brad
26. Refuse to kiss her, Melissa
27. Ask to be her bitch, Rich
28. Show her your porn, Sean
29. Lez up with a girl, Pearl
30. Hang out with more queers, Piers
31. Tell him you’re late, Kate
32. Try calling her Ho, Joe
33. Talk about your vagina, Jemima
34. Pretend that you’re gay, Jay
35. Just start to flirt, Gert
36. Admit that you’re hetero, Jethro
37. Dress up in leather, Heather
38. Try shaving your leg, Greg
39. Piss in her juice, Bruce
40. Get caught on the job, Rob
41. Just go and get pissed, Chris
42. Say you’ve got the itch, Mitch
43. Tell her you’re bored, Ford
44. Call yourself 'Queen', Dean
45. Show him your willy, Jilly

*Idea shamelessly ripped off from the mighty and sadly defunct 'Might' magazine - but apart from the first one (starter for ten), they're all my own. Plus these ones scan, so shove it.

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