Ten Utterly Useless World Cup Statistics So Far*

1. Most popular time to score: 4th or 24th minute
2. First club team to have a scorer on both sides in same match: Chelsea (ARG v IVC)
3. Longest named scorer: Golmohammadi
4. Shortest named scorer: Lahm
5. Ratio of first half goals to second half goals: 1.3:1
6. No of minutes’ play before ten goals scored in total: 384
7. First game condescendingly referred to as “their final”: Angola v Portugal
8. Most common letter in goalscorers’ names: A (21 instances)
9. Second most common letter in goalscorers’ names: O (16 instances)
10. Most obvious anagram of goalscorer’s name: Goal Mohammid

*Accurate right up until the second I pressed send, when Rosicky scored