Ten Things 'They' Will Probably Consider Bringing The Face Magazine Back As

1. A Twitter update

2. A ringtone

3. An iPhone 'App'

4. One of those papers you find at the bottom of the escalators in the tube

5. A 'brand extension' 

6. A banner ad

7. A ROFLcopter

8. Zoo with more fashion-related breasts

9. A social network

10. All of the above

The Ten Best Gay Cars of 2009*

1. Audi A4 - Best Car for the Gay Professional
2. Infiniti AX - Best Car for the New Gay Family
3. Maserati Gran Turismo S - Best Boy Toy
4. Honda Civic GX Natural Gas Vehicle - Best Green Queen
5. Mitsubishi Lancer GTS - Best Gay Teen Machine
6. Saab 9-3 Lynx Yellow Convertible - Best Topless Go-Go Getter
7. Nissan Maxima - Best Cruiser for the Trendy Gay Man
8. Ford Flex - Best Retro Flagship
9. Ford Glass Top Mustang - Top Gadget God
10. Erm, there's only 9

*According to www.about.com's Gay Life section

Ten Managementspeak Slogans

1 There’s no YOU in OUR FIVE YEAR PLAN
2 You can’t have your stupid TEAM MEETING without ME
3 There’s a big I in QUIT
4 There’s none of US in TEAMWORK
5 LUNCH is for STARTERS
6 Never make the same mistake twice unless you're absolutely sure you can get away with it again
7 You’ve got your TOTAL TRANSPARENCY back to front
8 I’ve tried 360 THINKING but I ended up where I started
9 Never ask WILL THIS DO (it probably will)
10 If we take U out of THE NEIGHBOURHOOD it makes no difference to our American bosses

Ten Candidates For The 1860 Republican Presidential Nomination (Who Weren't Called Abraham Lincoln)

1. William H Seward, New York (173.5 votes in first ballot)
2. Edward Bates, Missouri
(48 votes)
3. William Lewis Dayton, New Jersey (14 votes)
4. John C Frémont, California
(1 vote)
5. Salmon Portland Chase, Ohio (49 votes)
6. Jacob Collamer, Vermont
(10 votes)
7. Simon Cameron, Pennsylvania (50.5 votes)
8. John McLean, Ohio (12 votes)
9. Benjamin Franklin Wade, Ohio (3 votes)
10. Cassius Marcellus Clay, Kentucky (0 votes)

Ten Comments I Just Accidentally Deleted...

Um, I just realised I'm not as unpopular as I thought - there were a load of comments waiting to be moderated by me. So I selected them all, thought I'd pressed 'publish', and then tried to delete an obvious spam one. Umm.. anyway, thanks for your comments

Ten Of The Great Disappointments In Life

1. Getting a cardboard puzzle as the 'suprise' in your Kinder Egg
2. Waking up to realise the clocks have gone forward
3. Finding that the 'Big Match Revisited' on ITV4 is highlights of the Division Two match between Leyton Orient and Brighton & Hove Albion. From 1979.
4. Realising too late that The Colour Of Money in the TV schedules is a crappy gameshow, not the Paul Newman movie.
5. The new U2 album (whatever year of the 21st Century it is)
6. Having a quarter-bowl worth of cereal left in the packet
7. Final Score
8. Oxford Street
9. Burnt toast
10. Luton Airport

Ten Rubbish Groups Who Probably Haven't Told Their Parents What Their Band Is Called

1. Selfish C**t
2. Nashville Pussy
3. F*** Buttons
4. Holy F***
5. F***
6. The F***ing Champs
7. Anal C**t
8. The C**ts
9. F***ed Up
10. The F***in' S**t Biscuits

Ten Canapes I'd Never Eat

1. Chicken sandwich minus the filling
2. Doritos with added dollop
3. Blinis wrapped round cucumber
4. Bruschetta Doorsteps
5. Tomato and mozzarella, 'grilled in some way'
6. Hot tinned tuna and basil oil
7. Peanut butter sandwiches
8. Wraps with extra leaves
9. Cold vol-au-vents
10. A piece of cheese and a lump of branston on a cocktail stick

Ten London Roads That Used to be Called Charles Street

1. Aylward St, E1
2. Scurr St, E14
3. Greville St, EC1
4. Viscount St, EC1
5. Yeate St, N1
6. Corrall Rd, N7
7. Phoenix Rd, NW1
8. Nicholson St, SE1
9. Trevor St, SW7
10. Queensdale Pl, W11

Ten Words Used Most Often By US Presidents In Their Inauguration Speeches

1. Obama: "Nation"
2. Bush: "Freedom"
3. Lincoln (1st): "Constitution"
4. Clinton: "Century"
5. Reagan: "Government"
6. Lincoln (2nd): "War"
7. Kennedy: "Side"
8: Jefferson: "American"
9: Cleveland: "People"
10: Washington: "Oath"

Gregg Wallace's Ten Best Moments

1. "It's like a lemon has just picked you up by the ears and given you a big snog."
2. "I'll quite happily lay down in it and have a sleep."
3. "That is the most perfect chocolate pudding as I have ever sunk my lips into."
4. "...Whaaaaey, it's still coming."
5. "I have a rather large mouth, but that's a lot to get in."
6. "That bird is so moist, and there's little pockets of zing, zing, zing..."
7. "There are fruit coolies running through her veins."
8. "Beefy, beefy mushrooms!"
9. "Ooh, that has flicked every one of my switches."
10. "I want to take a running jump into it."

Ten Rutger Hauer Films You May Have Missed

1. Terror In The Aisles (1984)
2. The Blood Of Heroes (1990)
3. The Beans Of Egypt, Maine (1994)
4. Dracula III: Legacy (2005)
5. Omega Doom (1997)
6. Flying Virus (2001)
7. Bone Daddy (1998)
8. New World Disorder (1999)
9. Mariette In Ecstasy (1996)
10. Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal (2001)

Ten Unfortunate Presidents

1. William Harry Harrison, 1841
Read the longest inaugural address in history in freezing weather; died of pneumonia a month later
2. Zachary Taylor, 1849-1850
Died of food poisoning from canapes at a July 4 party
3. Benjamin Harrison, 1889-1893
So scared of new-fangled electricity he refused to turn the White House lights off at night
4. James Buchanan, 1857-1861
Appointed his niece First Lady as he was a bachelor
5. Woodrow WiIson, 1913-1921
Won a Nobel Peace Prize despite openly supporting the Ku Klux Klan
6. William H Taft, 1909-1913
The most obese President; once got stuck in the White House bath
7. John Tyler, 1841-1845
Campaigned under the slogan "Log Cabins and Hard Cider"
8. Millard Fillmore, 1850-1853
Having failed to win the nomination of his own party for a second term, he stood as the Know Nothing candidate in 1856
9. Warren Harding, 1921-1923
Consistently voted the worst US President due to his verbal gaffes and corruption scandals
10. George Bush, 2001-2009
Worst Presidential approval rating in history (20%)

Ten Stunning Revelations From Rafa Benitez

1. Fergie intimidates referees
2. The 'respect' campaign is a load of old bollocks
3. Bears shit in woods
4. The Pope is catholic
5. It's not a good time to be in the banking business
6. Hamas and Israel don't seem to get on very well
7. We've had warmer Januarys
8. Coolio is a bit annoying on that Big Brother show
9. Night follows day
10. The whole Sarah Palin thing kind of back-fired

The Ten Busiest Months On The Lister*

1. January 2006 (31 posts)
2. February 2006 (16 posts)
3. December 2005 (14 posts)
4= March 2006 (10 posts)
4= May 2006 (10 posts)
6. June 2006 (9 posts)
7. November 2007 (8 posts)
8= April 2006 (7 posts)
8= July 2006 (7 posts)
8= April 2007 (7 posts)

*AKA a desperate attempt to keep my post rate up

Human Population Counts From Battlestar Galactica

1. Day 1: 20,000,000,000
2. Day 6: 50,298
3. Day 10: 47,958
4. Day 51: 47,875
5. Day 174: 49,605
6. Day 280: 44,035
7. Day 650: 43,400
8. Day 800: 41,435
9. Day 1,100: 39,698
10. Day 1,166: 39,665

Ten Places You Can See Swastikas in the UK

1. Around the dome of the BBC's Bush House
2. Along the gates at the back of the Royal Academy
3. On every Maharishi product
4. Around Manchester's Central Library
5. On Baden-Powell's Medal of Merit for Scouts (c1922)
6. On the Swastika Stone, Ilkley moor, Yorkshire
7. As the emblem of the British National War Savings Committee from WWI
8. On the war memorial at Balmoral Castle
9. On the dust jacket of Rudyard Kipling's books
10. In the floor tiles of NatWest bank, Derby Street, Bolton

Ten One-Line Reviews

1. Changeling: Angelina Jolie shouts a bit too much
2. Mamma Mia: Only the out of tune men fully grasp the concept of a karaoke movie
3. Revolutionary Road: Getting Married? May as well kill yourself now
4. In Bruges: "Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf" = line of the year
5. Milk: Sean Penn for Mayor
6. Frost/Nixon: They can't have been that amateur, surely?
7. The 39 Steps (2008 TV version): Worst use of a ventriloquist's dummy ever
8. No Country For Old Men: Should have finished 20 mins sooner
9. The Duchess: She's quite good you know
10. Generation Game (1970s rerun); Best thing on telly all Christmas

Ten Signs I'm Middle Aged

1. Tutting at Radio One
2. Really wanting to stay in on New Year's Eve
3. Feeling 100% relaxed and calling the officer 'mate' when being pulled over for a random festive breathalyser
4. Getting irate about any band that has a swearword in their title
5. Siding with the Daily Mail over Wossgate
6. Being more concerned about getting back to feed the cats than having 'one for the road'
7. Thinking 'one for the road' is a really irresponsible phrase, especially given (3)
8. Having my eyes on a nice cardie in the January sales
9. Not thinking I'd miss out on anything by moving to the countryside
10. Realising my age is half the average national life expectancy

Ten Uses For The Extra Second The Boffins Have Given Us For New Year's Eve*

1. Shout "HAPP…"
2. Make an eleventh resolution
3. Add "…ryingoutloud" to the F-word you just shouted
4. Swiftly cross your fingers after that promise you just made
5. Pour yourself a second's more wine into the glass
6. Rewind the Ian Faith/"money talks" bit from Spinal Tap
7. Try and work out the second line to Auld Lang Syne
8. Try and point out that you hadn't read the new issue of The Word magazine when you wrote that last post
9. Listen to one of these again
10. Have another second in bed

* See here for extra second news