J-Lo's Top Ten Pay Packets*

1. Monster-in-Law (2005): $15m
2= Gigli (2003): $12m
2= Maid In Manhattan (2002): $12m
4= Enough (2002): $10m
4= Shall We Dance (2004): $10m
6= The Wedding Planner (2001): $9m
6= Angel Eyes (2001): $9m
8. Anaconda (1997): $7m
9. The Cell (2000): $6m
10. Jersey Girl (2004): $4m

*Her one good effort: Blood & Wine (1997): $250,000

Ten Innocent Sounding Poisonous Things

1. Cowfish
2. Conus Snail
3. Sea Squirt
4. Flower Pot Mushroom
5. Cherry Sap
6. Dumb Cane
7. Small Postman Butterfly
8. Darling Pea
9. Wild Parsnip
10. Potato Bush

Ten Words You Don't See Enough Of

1. Gouache
2. Thorax
3. Episodic
4. Galloshes
5. Peripatetic
6. Coeval
7. Peraventure
8. Euphonious
9. Gimcrack
10. Rick Astley

Ten Other Similes For Missing You That Are Better Than “Like The Deserts Miss The Rain”

1. Like The Photocopiers Miss The Arse
2. Like The Gunners Miss The Vieira
3. Like The Cats Miss The Nip
4. Like The Furnishes Miss The John
5. Like The Smiths Square Crisps Miss The Blue Salt Bag
6. Like The Completists Miss The Rare Vinyl Only Import
7. Like The Prime Ministers Miss The Support Of Their Grass Roots Party Members
8. Like The Popworld TV Programmes Miss The Original Presenters
9. Like The Super Mario Brothers Miss The Final Golden Key
10. Like The Invasion Plans Miss The UN Resolution

Ten Words That Could Fall Foul Of Predictive Texting

1. Coal
2. Dial
3. Aunt
4. Turf
5. Pict
6. Rips
7. Dual
8. Song
9. Yank
10. Coal (again)

Ten Lazy Journalism Standards

1. Claiming that Colleen Rooney was ever on the cover of Vogue
2. Men’s fashion magazines quoting Rufus Wainwright
3. Backwards writing sentences Yoda a bit like
4. Using “weapons of mass destruction” puns. Still
5. Starting articles with the words “Is it just me…” (short answer: yes)
6. Inventing new words to describe a trend you’ve cobbled together from three coincidental cases
7. Liberal interpretation of the words “exclusive” and “definitive”
8. Exclamation marks used in inverse proportion to points of interest
9. Never using an object or subject when an extra adjective will do
10. “Hilarious” picture captions that begin “XX was beginning to regret…”

Ten Random Odds Of Death

1. Fall from one level to another: 375,902/1
2. Foreign body entering through skin or natural orifice: 161,956/1
3. Legal execution: 55,597/1
4. Assault by fiream 315/1
5. Accidental poisoning through alcohol: 10,493/1
6. Struck by lightning: 56,439/1
7. Transport accident in three-wheeled motor vehicle: 177,380/1
8. Bitten or struck by mammal other than dog: 49,666/1
9. Drowning while falling into (or in) bathtub: 10,582/1
10. Inhalation of gastric contents: 10,095/1

Source: http://www.nsc.org/

Ten Signs Of A Good Night Out

1. Indelible smudge on the back of your hand
2. Lost voice
3. Cheesy tune on constant replay in head
4. More cash in your pocket than you remember going out with
5. Sore legs
6. Blank taxi receipt
7. Half-eaten junk food in fridge
8. Dull ringing in ears
9. Mysterious text messages on phone
10. Finding Chris Moyles funny

Ten Things That Definitely Aren't As Good As They Used To Be

1. KFC's secret recipe
2. Railway stations
3. Saturday morning children's TV
4. The foil seals on coffee jars
5. Use of the word 'guerilla' in general conversation
6. Local football derbies
7. Adverts
8. Public phoneboxes
9. Banks
10. The seasons

Ten Names Of Ikea Products To Send An Icy Chill Through Your Very Heart

1. Glimminge
2. Agne
3. Skubb
4. Kvist
5. Humlarp
6. Ugglarp
7. Centrera Fat
8. Grundton
9. Rival
10. Gorm