Ten Muses For Imaginary Menswear Collections

1. Derek Jarman (the Dungeness years)
2. Marty McFly (Back to the Future)
3. Ruprecht (Dirty Rotten Scoundrels)
4. Ronnie Lane (the country years)
5. The Savage Huns (The Warriors)
6. Kevin Rowland (Young Soul Rebels era)
7. Andrew Ridgeley (the retirement years)
8. Lil' Crazy Legs (Rock Steady Crew)
9. Lando Calrissian (The Empire Strikes Back)
10. Hiro (Heroes)

Ten Things You Can Do While Smoking Outside Besides 'Smirting'

1. Smoring - Boring people while smoking
2. Smining - Whining about having to go outside to smoke
3. Smorking - Catching up on work while smoking
4. Smexting - Texting while smoking
5. Smopping - Window shopping while smoking
6. Smarrassing - Harrassing passers-by while smoking
7. Smurfing - Surfing the internet on your phone while smoking
8. Smiding - Hiding from your ex while smoking
9. Sminking - Having a swifty while smoking
10. Smullshitting - Carrying on your pub conversation while smoking

My Ten Favourite Native Americans*

1. Toohoolhoolzote
2. Turkey Leg
3. Young-Man-Afraid-of-His-Horses
4. Curly Headed Doctor
5. Hump
6. High Back Bone
7. Leg-in-the-Water
8. Roman Nose
9. Lightning Blanket
10. Rain-in-the-Face

*As featured in Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee by Dee Brown