Ten Things To Visualise To Prevent Climax

1. Michael Vaughan sat on the balcony in his sweaty vest
2. "MaggieThatcherMaggieThatcherMaggieThatcher"
3. John McCririck in his underpants
4. Wee Jimmy Crankie
5. Gordon Brown
6. Mr Brown, our French teacher at school
7. Bilbo Baggins
8. The Proclaimers
9. David Pleat doing his little hop
10. Having to change your blogger account to gmail

One Weekend, Ten Really Badly Named Bands Playing In London...

1. The Ape Drape Escape
2. Creepy Morons
3. My Sad Captains
4. The Fabulous Penetrators
5. The Groanbox Boys
6. Miniskirt Blues
7. evianNnaive
8. Amadeus And The Composers
9. Kamikaze Creamcake
10. Nathan Flue-box