Ten Features from Vanity Fair's August 1987 Issue

1. Is Rupert Murdoch's TV "network" too lumpen to survive?
2. Scott Turow's Presumed Innocent - A Chicago lawyer's first novel is this year's blockbuster crime read
3. Timothy Dalton, the new James Bond, is stirred but not shaken by 007's Aston Martin
4. The best of Burgundy (and California Pinot Noir)
5. Does it really make no difference how much you spend on an amplifier?
6. In the grip of AIDS, Roy Cohn maintained his fierce bravado
7. Introducing Conde Nast's Traveler, the insider's guide to the outside world
8. US Attorney Rudolph Giuliani, 43, is today's Eliot Ness, taking on organized crime, political corruption, and the big boys of Wall Street
9. Is Michelle Pfeiffer too beautiful to be a movie star?
10. Holy Sheen - Watching Charlie's phenomenal rise, does his father Michael feel a twinge about his own career?

Nine Courses from Marie-Antoine Carême's Regent's Banquet, Brighton Royal Pavilion, 18 January 1817

1. Soupes
2. 8 Relevés du Poisson
3. 15 Assiettes Volants à Servir Aprés Les Poissons
4. 8 Grosses Piéces
5. 40 Entrées
6. 8 Piéces Montées
7. 8 Roasts
8. 32 Entremets
9. 12 Assiettes Volantes

Ten Movies Featuring the Fictional Town of Shermer, Illinois

1. Weird Science
2. The Breakfast Club
3. Home Alone
4. Sixteen Candles
5. Pretty In Pink
6. Planes, Trains & Automobiles
7. National Lampoon's Vacation
8. She's Having A Baby
9. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
10. Dogma

The Only Six Movies with the Word 'Tank Top' as a Keyword on IMDB

1. Click
2. Rock, Paper, Scissors: The Way of the Tosser
3. Never Say Never Again
4. Pigs
5. Zombie Cheerleader Camp
6. Freezer Burn: The Invasion of Laxdale

The Ten Pets I've Owned

1. Tiger
2. Rubbish
3. Buster
4. Betsy
5. Hattie
6. Shumba
7. Jasper
8. Jake
9. Milo
10. Misty

Ten Cheery Characters Credited In The Road

1. Urinating Gang Member
2. The Final Woman
3. Bearded Face
4. Man On Mattress
5. Well Fed Woman
6. Thief
7. Man In Cellar
9. Bearded Man #2
10. Baby Eater

The First Ten Autofill Suggestions That Appear When You Type The Word 'Why' Into Google

1. …are Michael Jackson's kids white?
2. …is the sky blue?
3. …did the chicken cross the road?
4. …is a raven like a writing desk?
5. …am I always tired?
6. …do we yawn?
7. …do cats purr?
8. …is the sea salty?
9. …do we dream?
10. …is the world going to end in 2012?

One Funny Thing I Just Saw In A Shop Window

This Week's Ten Best Headlines in the Local West Country Press*

1. Milk Thief Strikes in Watchet
2. Ferret Found in Minehead Garden
3. Westover Green Pupils Are Mad Keen on Science
4. Shapwick School's Reading Stars Get Their Badges
5. Leonard Affected By Digital Switchover
6. Exclusive Henry Vacum [sic] in May Day Raffle
7. Woman Rescued from Ditch
8. Petrol Stolen from Helston Fuel Pump
9. Sceptical Visitor Lauds Seaside Town
10. Demand Outstrips Supply for West Somerset Morris Men

*Incorporating the Somerset County Gazette, Bridgewater Mercury, Chard News and The Falmouth & Penryn Packet

And Not Forgetting…

'I'd drunk too much, I was irresponsible, criminal': Nick Clegg on his regrets: Cross-dressing, drugs, that remark about his 30 lovers and - finally - the truth about his criminal past: the hilariously indiscreet confessions of Nick Clegg, the Lib Dem leader who tries hard not to embarrass himself - but (happily) just can't help it... (Daily Mail, 27 April)

Ten Fair And Balanced Headlines That Have Appeared Since Nick Clegg Turned Out To Be More Popular Than The Papers Thought

1. Clegg in Nazi Slur on Britain (Daily Mail, 22 April)
2. Nick Clegg, the Lib Dem donors and payments into his private account (The Daily Telegraph, 22 April)
3. Clegg's Crazy Immigration Policy (Daily Express, 22 April)
4. General Election 2010: Nick Clegg Uncovered (The Daily Telegraph, 22 April)
5. Clegg's On Defensive (The Sun, 20 April)
6. Nick Clegg is a sycophantic, pro-immigration Europhile (The Daily Telegraph, 19 April)
7. Nick's Nuclear Pledge Panic (The Sun, 18 April)
8. Voters Don't Have a Clegg To Stand On (News of the World, 18 April)
9. Clegg, the panto Yorkshireman: he plays the Northerner, but he's really from the Home Counties and is as posh as Dave (17 April)
10. Beware the Glib-Dems (The Sun, 17 April)

Ten Cracking Meals

1. Roast Poussin by my fair hand






2. Sea Bream, Slug & Lettuce, Leicester Square






3. Bacon Sarnie, The Phoneix, Alexandra Palace





4. Cheesecake, Merci, Paris






5. Pork and Clams, Bedford & Strand, Covent Garden






6. Croque Madame, Le Dome du Marais, Paris






7. Chicken & Mushroom broth with beans, my place






8. Mushroom quiche, Bread and Roses, Paris





9. Wolfberries with champagne mousse, First, Paris






10. Pete's cake for Rachel, Redwood

Ten Things I Overheard In The Street And Wrote Down Because They Made Me Laugh

1. Good Morning! [at 7pm]
2. If she saw how he played golf, she'd leave him
3. The way they run the government here is crazy
4. Was that Jon Pertwee?
5. His house is very civilised but it smells.
6. If you're on your second wife I think you should leave your money to the kids.
7. If you don't celebrate Easter, can you still have Easter eggs?
8. How many shops are we going to?
9. Jim Morrison? It rings a vague sort of a bell.
10. She's only got so many old books because it takes her that long to read them.

Ten GQ Appearances By David Cameron

1. First in GQ's 2009 Most Influential Men list
2. Has the wider population warmed to David Cameron? (Laurie Laird, Oct 2009)
3. Brown and Cameron do an Obama (Laurie Laird, April 2010)
4. David's Dilemma: the devil is in the details (Laurie Laird, July 2009)
5. Second in GQ's 2007 Best-Dressed Men list
6. The PM remains distant as Cameron scores a coup (Tara Hamilton-Miller, April 2010)
7. David Cameron: A PM for all seasons? (Charlie Brooks, May 2010)
8. Eighth in GQ's 2010 Best-Dressed Men list (Gordon Brown first in 'worst dressed' list)
9. The Final Push (David Cameron interviewed by Matthew d'Ancona, May 2010)
10. Somewhere Boys (the Bullingdon look as fashion statement, GQ Style, S/S 2010 )

Ten Footballers Who've Scored Own Goals For Manchester United This Season (In Reverse Chronological Order)

1. Jlloyd Samuel (Bolton Wanderers, 27 March 2010)
2. James Collins (Aston Villa, 10 February 2010)
3= Anthony Borre (Portsmouth, 6 February 2010)
3= Richard Hughes (Portsmouth, 6 February 2010)
3= Marc Wilson (Portsmouth, 6 February 2010)
6. Scott Dan (Birmingham CIty, 9 January 2010)
7. Andy Dawson (Hull City, 27 December 2009)
8. Zat Knight (Bolton Wanderers, 17 October 2009)
9. Anton Ferdinand (Sunderland, 3 October 2009)
10. Abou Diaby (Arsenal, 28 August 2009)

Ten Places With Long Names

1. Muckanaghederdauhaulia (Ireland)
2. Äteritsiputeritsipuolilautatsi-jänkä (Finland)
3. St Martin-in-the-Fields Church Path (London)
4. Bolderwood Arboretum Ornamental Drive (New Forest)
5. Burgemeester Baron van Voerst van Lyndenstraat (Netherlands)
6. Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch (Wales)
7. Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg (USA)
8. Dwudziestego Pierwszego Praskiego Pułku Piechoty imienia Dzieci Warszawy (Poland)
9.Tetaumatawhakatangihangakoauaotamateaurehaeaturipuk
apihimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuaakitanarahu (New Zealand)
10. Krungthepmahanakornamornratanakosinmahintarayuttha-yamahadilokphopnopparatrajathaniburiromudomrajaniwesmahasatharnamornphimarnavatarnsathitsakkattiyavisanukamprasit (Thailand)

Ten Pieces Of Advice For Movie Baddies

1. Always check under the bed to ensure there aren't any kids about to witness their parents' murder. They have a tendency to grow into kick-ass kung-fu experts or superheroes or somesuch.
2. If you really must include a thermal exhaust port in your plans,
try and avoid a mile-long trench leading straight to it.
3. Don't tell anyone your masterplan - least of all your arch enemy.
Even if you think he's about to die, he invariably won't. He's
annoying like that.
4. Similarly, resist the temptation to tell him how you're going to
kill him before you actually kill him.
5. Not everyone shares your vision of a new utopian society with you in sole charge.
6. In fact, no-one does.
7. You can replace your staff with robots, but you can't trust either.
8. Watch out for your right-hand man too.
9. Underwater kingdoms are really really easy to destroy.
10. Let's face it, whatever happens you're going to end up dying
spectacularly.

Ten Books Priced £1 In The Local Secondhand Book Store Sale

1. The Small Alpine Garden, Captain H P Leschallas
2. English Country Churches, Richard Briers
3. Gluck, Gluck, Gluck, Malcolm Gluck
4. Raphael's Astronomical Ephemeris of the Planet's Places for 1978
5. Rebel Rebel: 25 Years of Teenage Trauma, Chris Tarrant
6. Love in Germany, Genevieve Bianquis
7. Wyndham and Children First, Lord Egremont
8. Euro Disney Resort, Michelin Guide
9. In Mexican Prisons, Eduard Harkort
10. Social and Political Consequences of the Motor Car, P M Townroe

Ten Brilliantly Named Films Starring Ice T

1. Frankenpenis (1996)
2. Jacob Two Two Meets The Hooded Fang (1999)
3. Who's The Man? (1993)
4. Out Kold (2001)
5. Air Rage (2001)
6. Copy That (2006)
7. Crime Partners 2000 (2000)
8. Frezno Smooth (1998)
9. Sonic Impact (1998)
10. Leprechaun in the Hood (2000)

Five Songs Where The First Word Sung In The Lyric Is 'And'

1. A Sort of Homecoming, U2
2. And She Was, Talking Heads
3. And The Beat Goes On, The Whispers
4. And I Love You So, Don MacLean
5. And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going, Jennifer Hudson